Title: PPC Mission: The Vampire King of Narnia
Author: Sedri
Rating: M15 (mild)
Summary: Sedri and Iza take on a Narnia/Twilight/The O.C. crossover, in which Peter Pevensie is turned into a vampire by a Mary-Sue.



DISCLAIMER: Narnia belongs to C.S. Lewis. Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Summer and "The O.C." belong to... someone. Let me look it up... Josh Scwartz. The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia. "Peter's Drastic Change" belongs to "malfoy'sbabygirl", and she is welcome to keep it.

Many thanks to my betas, Trojie and Pads.


Mission: The Vampire King of Narnia


With a bounce in her step that made passing agents pause in the brief fear that she was an escaped 'Sue, Agent Iza made her way through HQ, cuddling a shy mini-Balrog, Rosa, whom she had just adopted.

"…and we'll get you your own bed and make a nice fireproof corner and – oh! You can sleep in my room! You're registered to me, after all, and nothing there can burn and we're here, Rosa, here's our door! And this is the handle and I don't think you can turn it but you should remember what it looks like so we can always-"

CRASH.

Pure instinct was all that made Iza duck awat from the flying pottery in time, for her mind would never have worked fast enough to save her. Blinking at the painted blue shards which now lay on the floor before her, Iza blew at the clay dust which floated around them, shook out her hair, and rose to peek over the stacks of material in her response centre. "…Sedri?"

"Oh good – you've remembered my name," came the heavily sarcastic reply. "Of course, that means you have no excuse for forgetting my existence." Agent Sedri stood, making her head and shoulders visible over the furniture. She was furious. "Where the HELL have you been?"

Iza blinked. "Helping 'Ridian with an RPF slashfic. Remember? The S.O. sent a message for me just after that second Stardust mission came in-"

"Oh, I remember," growled Sedri. "I also remember how you simply didn't return, leaving me with a console that wouldn't stop BEEPing until I went in and did all the work myself – which, by the way, is not only against the rules but also dangerous, and I was lucky to get through it. Then when I returned, I found out that someone made a rather critical mistake during our first mission together."

Iza tilted her head. "Who?"

Glare.

"…Me?"

"Yes, you, twighead. You told me that there was no canonical character named 'Geron' anywhere in Star Trek."

"There isn't."

"But there is a 'Gerron' – two 'r's, dearie, and with the same basic history and description as the character we slaughtered." She was still standing across the room, separated from Iza by copious amounts of books and furniture, but the other girl winced anyway.

"Sorry?"

"You'd better be. You're just lucky that the author created a replacement with that misspelling, or else you would be in Medical right now, helping Doc Fitz regrow his internal organs. But none of that answers my question: Where have you been for the last four months?"

"It hasn't been months!" Iza protested.

"It has."

"Hasn't!"

"Has. And we're not five years old." Sedri leaned back on a chair, arms folded. "What happened? Did you run into a floating plothole or a temporal distortion or something?"

Iza chewed her lip, brow furrowing as she thought hard. "Well, I did get lost… At least, I think I did, but then I was at the Adoption Centre, and knew where I was, so I couldn't have been lost any more, could I?"

Sedri's fingers tightened on her folded arms. "Adoption Centre? Just what did you adopt?"

Iza beamed, certain that her new friend would make Sedri happy and would make up for all the fuss. "Her name is Rosa!" she declared, animately gesturing for Sedri to come around the huge piles of paper. "She's a mini-Balrog from-"

"GET THAT THING OFF MY BOOKS!" Sedri shrieked, darting forward with a random object in her hands. "NOW! OFF! Fire and paper DO NOT go together! Move!"

Rosa, being as unused to violence as her hobbit namesake, fled more ceramic missiles (why were there vases in an RC, anyway?) and ended up clinging to Iza's legs, her inner fire slowly burning through the agent's uniform. Sedri, panting, was in the middle of smothering her flaming papers with a blanket when, of course-

[BEEEEEEP!]

"You get it!"

With the vague impression that maybe she herself had done something wrong, Iza nodded and obeyed, thoughtfully pausing to deposit Rosa on top of the metal table before hopping through the RC to the console.

"It's a crossover mission," she said politely, "…sort of; it's reported as Narnia/Twilight, but the summary talks about something called 'the occk'." Iza paused, brow furrowing, and looked at the words again. "'The OCC...' Oh! They're initials! 'The O – C," she pronounced, very carefully.

Kicking her way to a supply cupboard, Sedri said, "Never heard of it. What else is there?"

"The character from 'The O.C' is named 'Summer'. She misspells 'vampire' in the summary and never mentions Twilight, although she disclaims to three people; Meyer, Lewis - no, Louis," she corrected, looking at Rosa as she wondered if there was such a thing as an author-mini, "and another guy who seems to be the creator of this 'O.C.', so they're pretty sure that's what she meant."

"Doesn't matter if she meant it; if it's been assigned to us, that means there's something to kill. I threatened the thing myself. Is there any chance of this 'Summer' being a vampire in her original continuum?"

Iza tapped a few buttons, blinked, undid everything, and tried again. "No. It's not a fantasy world."

"Good enough. Let's get killing. And Iza?"

"Hmm?"

"I had a message from the S.O. while you were gone. If you don't get actual blood on your hands this time, you're getting reassigned. So pack your weapons."

Iza paled, then did so, trying her hardest to summon the memory of her own 'Sue, the one she had been created to serve in her original badfic. I wanted to kill her, Iza reminded herself. She was horrible, and she deserved it, and now I can do the same for others. I can do it. I can.

Repeating this silent mantra, she followed Sedri in.

They found themselves standing in the underground Strand train station, wearing school uniforms, and just within sight were four Pevensie children, unmistakeably movie-verse. Peter was narrating, and the Words were struggling to resemble something logical.

I was very upset, I can take care of myself! Edmond didn't have to get involved. I was fighting those guys off just fine. And then there I was arguing with Edmond, Susan, and Lucy about how careless I can be.

The mini-Dragon, 'Edmond', looked over and waved at the agents, appearing quite silly in Edmund's dark blue school uniform, with cap and scarf and all, but since the author made this mistake repeatedly, Edmond was required to sit there beside his very human siblings and say ungrammatical Things. He seemed to be in pain.

"Is it really that hard to walk away?" Susan asked, it looked like she was made at me.

Iza glanced at Sedri. "…'Made'?"

"Charge." She winced as Peter and Edmond exchanged dialogue, both missing rather important punctuation marks. "That was a question, idiot, not a statement, and- Oh, hell."

I looked away from them for a second, and that's when I say her. She had dark hair, stood about 5'1 and she was staring at me.

"SAY her?" repeated Sedri. "You can't 'say' a person, and… You know what? Forget it. There are too many mistakes here to even TRY charging them all separately. Let's focus on characterisation."

"So… charge for making Peter miss the train?"

"That's plot, not character. But charge for being so deaf, dumb, and blind as to miss the fact that it had been there in the first place. And charge the Sue for being conveniently there to see the others disappear when the magic of the Horn, and Aslan, made very sure that no one ever did. And for having Peter ask her where they went, in numerals."

Privately, Iza didn't think it was so terrible for Peter to give a stranger brief descriptions of his siblings, including their ages, when he needed to find them, but not writing numbers out as words was one of Sedri's pet peeves, so Iza obeyed wordlessly. Then she added, "Peter's 'trying to subside her confusion'. Isn't that wrong usage of 'subside'?"

"Yes. Charge." Sedri walked around the now-emptying station, which should have seen the Pevensies already return from Narnia, assuming that Susan, Edmund and Lucy were capable of surviving Narnia without their older, forced-to-be-arrogant-by-the-scriptwriters brother. Scuffing her boot against the yellow tiles, she watched Peter and Summer walk around looking for the Disappearing Siblings.

"Oops, I left my bag in one of the back rooms." she said looking worried.

As that was about the twelfth comma missed in ten short paragraphs, Sedri didn't bother to complain about it. "That's not actually a bad trick," she conceded, irritation with Iza fading as she settled into the familiar, absurdly comfortable routine of snarky Sue-slaying. "Peter would help a lady search for her missing bag if she asked for it – which she… yes, there we go, she did. Now all we have to- Oh bugger. Iza! Get in that room before she shuts the door!"

Iza didn't have to try very hard to accomplish this; Sedri already had her by the shoulder and was bolting for the 'extremely dark room' which Summer was about to close them into. There was no description, and no default options as train stations don't usually have small, conveniently empty dark rooms for vampire Sues to lure their victims into, but considering just what continuum it was, the agents weren't all that surprised to find themselves in a wardrobe.

Fur coats and all.

Summer closed the door, and Peter, quite reasonably confused, asked why she had done that.

I didn't here an answer.

Nothing could be seen in the dark, but the uncanonical Sue paused for a moment, wondering why she heard a groan and something that oddly resembled a head smacking into a wall. But thankfully for the agents, the smell of blood was more enticing, and she-

-pushed me against the wall with her hands holding my wrists to the wall. I tried to push here away, but she was like a rock.

Sedri and Iza 'watched' the rest of the biting process via Peter's narration, which plodded steadily on in the background. It was a shame that the first hundred words in the entire story not to have any misspelling or punctuation errors were a hundred words of entirely predictable description. Basically, Summer bit Peter's neck, it hurt, and he fainted.

The scene changed – without a fuss, thankfully, as the author had done her job properly and there were no sudden jerks to make the agents dizzy. Aside from the phrase "very hat sweat", there were no obvious spelling errors either, and so Sedri and Iza were able to settle down in a different, not-quite-so-dark room, and watch Peter. He woke up on a bed, stripped down to his trousers, then got up and walked to a door which led to a bathroom, and…

I looked at myself in the mirror and what I saw didn't really look like me. I was different, somehow. My skin was pale, my eyes were red, and I had dark marks around my eyes.

Sedri frowned. "Vampires don't have reflections," she said, and reached for her notebook – but Iza stopped her.

"Twilightverse vampires do. But they're also supposed to be in a lot of pain for days after being bitten; there's no way he could have slept through it."

Writing this down, Sedri watched as Summer, who 'had a seductive look', came in and patiently explained to her victim that he was now a vampire. Pulling out the CAD, she aimed it at Peter, and nodded with resigned patience at the result:

[Peter Pevensie. Canon. Human male- ERROR. Vampire male. UnCanon. Canon. UnCanon. OOC: 32.8%]

"Only thirty?" asked Iza. Sedri nodded.

"How else would he react to being told he was now immortal and undead? Aside from screaming and going loopy? This is pretty reasonable. She's not, but we'll deal with her later."

The scene was not an awful one, only peppered with minor charges like "she shook her head yes" instead of "nodded", until Peter asked why Summer had chosen to change him.

"I felt something, I've been lonely for a long time. I'm originally from the year 2008. But about 2 years ago I met a witch who told me that if I went back about 60-70 in the past, I would meet someone to keep me company. And I believe that that person is you." she looked my blood red eyes in a stare. Then kissed me right on the lips.

Blink.

Stare.

Sigh.

"Charge: Stupidity. Charge: Time travelling without even bothering to explain it. Charge: Making Peter able to see his own eyes when away from the mirror. Charge…"

This went on for a while. Peter resisted, declaring that he had to find his siblings, and felt enough vampiric hunger to believe Summer when she said that he couldn't go because he'd want to eat them. This was reasonable. The painful lack of commas was not.

Sedri was visibly wincing. "'I asked', COMMA, 'getting annoyed'," she proofread. "'Because you would want to eat them', COMMA, closing quotation mark, 'she stated'. And 'wrists' as a plural does not require a possessive apostrophe after the second 's'. 'Countryside' is one word, not two. 'Finchley' is spelled with an 'e', and it's a London suburb – there are no convenient forests full of small game. You're probably mixing it up with the Professor's estate."

Iza, in a surprising display of common sense, quietly guided Sedri after the Sue and Peter, hushing her as she scribbled madly. "Vampires can hear heartbeats from miles away," she warned.

"If that were a risk, they would've heard us by now. Canon's protecting us," declared Sedri. She paused, watching Peter run off at super speed, and reading in the Words that he was eating a deer and "gage"-ing as other sorts of food "entered" his mind.

"Iza," asked Sedri, "just how different are Twilightverse vampires from the stereotype?"

"…There's a stereotype?"

Sedri pinched the bridge of her nose. "Yes. Pale, sharp teeth, sleep in coffins, burn in sunlight, no reflection – that sort of thing."

Iza frowned. "They don't do any of that."

Glancing worriedly at Summer, who was going back into the 'small cottage-like house' to await Peter's return, Sedri said, "That's not good. Tell me about them, Iza. Anything that makes them different from humans." Iza shrugged.

"Well, they are pale, but they don't have sharp teeth, or sleep, and sunlight just makes them sparkle. Erm… they're strong… they can move really fast…"

"So I see," replied Sedri. "They're not vulnerable to sunlight?"

"No; they just avoid it so no one will realise they're not human."

"What about holy water?"

Iza shook her head.

"Garlic?"

"No."

"Stakes? Crosses?"

"Don't think so."

"Bugger." Sedri's lips tightened into a white line. "Just how do you kill them?"

Iza brightened and raised her hand in the air, almost brushing a nearby tree as she squealed eagerly. "I know! Oh, Sedri, I know!"

"Congratulations, you get a gold star," her partner drawled. "How?"

"You have to rip them apart and burn the pieces!"

Sedri blinked. "Didn't you just say they have superhuman strength and speed?"

"Well, actually, I said, 'They're strong, they can move really'-"

"Yes, I heard you. But they do, don't they? They're much faster and stronger than humans."

"Yeah."

With a long sigh, Sedri slumped against a nearby tree and watched as Peter, blood soaking his front from the jaw down, returned to the cottage and calmly sat down next to Summer, with no apparent fuss over the fact that she had just turned him into a monster. On the upside of thins, he narrated, I could live forever.

"Use a spell check, you daft bugger," she muttered, glaring at the Sue – then suddenly looked up. "Brace yourself for the time jump, Izzy."

"Iza," replied the other girl, pausing only to sweep up another mini-Dragon, this one from the disclaimer, before the new chapter threw them seven months into the future.

"Ow."

C.S. Louis was not a happy critter. Unlike Edmond, who had performed his obligations for the fic with a minimum of fuss, C.S. Louis growled and spat at the scene which materialised around them, and Sedri quietly bet that his namesake was spinning double-time over at the Department of Dead Author Electricity Generation.

It was not unwarranted. Peter had, apparently, been happily spending his time with Summer despite the fact that everyone in town was searching for him and he'd seen his mother crying night after night. The only thing that made him feel 'extremely bad' was that 'Ed didn't have a roommate'.

Right.

On top of that, the writing was somehow getting worse. Sedri cursed as the Words read:

I didn't have really rough look to me now as I did back the, not really. My eyes also started to change I finally found my siblings, but I only watched them from afar.

Then there were the increasing number of simply unfinished sentences:

…but other kids were starting to pick on Ed. They started saying stuff like

"Why so glum?" Summer asked as she looked over my solder. We were looking out the window of our small cottage. I wrapped my fingers on the window sill wondering how I was going to say.

"Why the… what? Bleh." Sedri groaned, absently throwing some of her lunch at C.S. Louis to distract him from a valiant but doomed attempt to break into the cottage with his head. "At least this author doesn't drag us through lots of useless soppy scenes – and you watch it, Ironic Over-Power," she added, producing a small hammer from her Bag and waving it threateningly. "That was not an invitation, and now that I've said it, having it happen would not be ironic. Go pick on someone else."

Iza couldn't see it, but her skin tingled and she had the distinct impression of a cloud snapping its fingers in a gesture of, "Damn – caught."

Then Peter decided to do what, canonically, he would have done ages ago – see his family.

"I'm going back." I said facing her.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm going back to see my family?" I said now looking her strait in the eye.


Obeying the Words, and probably quite resentful at doing so, a narrow burst of water shot out from Peter's eye and into Summer's. "'Strait'," muttered Sedri. "Bloody hell. And what's with that question mark? You're being stubborn and determined and canonical! Away with the question mark! Avaunt! Avast! Av-something-bloody-else!"

Iza shuffled just a little further away.

"No, no your not," said Summer. "Your not ready, and what are you going to say when they ask were you've been. Or what are they going to think when you tell them you have to leave again?"

The harsh sound of a pencil cracking in half interrupted their argument, but only briefly. It continued very predictably, with Summer going on about how she didn't want to move away if he was caught. Peter was uncharacteristically sarcastic, and then accepted Summer's kisses anyway.

The agents portalled ahead. There weren't many Words to skip, but there was a time jump in the next scene, and so they found themselves in "the male dorm" (of where was never specified, particularly since logic dictated that this was still 'Finchly'), where Edmond was being 'tackled by three of his dorm mates'.

Peter jumped in and scared off all three of them, then evaded his brother's questions until one of the bullies came back and-

pointed a gun right at my heart.

"What?"

To sum up the next few minutes, Peter was shot, remained unhurt (but apparently still had enough human blood in him to bleed a bit), "Ed" was shocked, two of the bullies were shocked, and one looked absurdly satisfied. Then two Random Policemen burst in and arrested the shooter, saying, "You have the right to remain silent until you get one. Or one will be provided for you by the government of England."

Sedri blinked. "…Right. Clauses, people; clauses. Now where'd that gun go?"

Iza picked it up and offered it to her partner; Sedri shook her head and didn't take it. "Come on; let's get the bit characters. Peter's about to run back to Summer and Edmond here doesn't need neuralysing." She smiled at the mini-Dragon, whose namesake had never actually appeared in the story. "And you're going to shoot them."

The gun clattered to the floor. Sedri, who had just opened a portal for the minis, groaned. "Izzy, you have to. You can't be an assassin if you don't kill people."

"I… Sedri!"

"I'm not asking you to knife them. You stand at a distance, aim, and fire. Look, they're not even moving any more."

Iza looked down at the shiny metal and suddenly covered her mouth. "…No, I can't. They haven't done anything. I'll do the Sue, I promise! Promise!"

Sedri had no energy to argue. "Fine." She picked up the gun.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

"And now this non-existent corridor is fading, too. Perfect. No need to dispose of the bodies."

Iza jabbed the Remote Activator until the portal appeared, and all but ran through. Sedri followed, and they were back in Summer's cottage, where the Sue was taking off Peter's shirt. After narrating that, I was actually falling for her, Peter forced them to log a note at the Department of Redundancy Department by saying:

"You know, I think I'm starting to fall for you." It was a little shaky, but I think she understood it.

Sedri chuckled, her good humour restored by the bloodshed. "'Course she understood it – there are these things called words, you see, which are used to communicate-"

"Oh, Sedri, stop it!" cried Iza, and it was the first time that the bit-character-turned-agent had ever really asserted herself. "Stop saying that! This isn't funny!"

Her partner blinked, taken aback, then shrugged. "Alright. We still haven't picked how we're going to kill her, and the end of the chapter's coming up fast. If you can figure out a way to get close to her, I have concertina wire you can use to slice her head off."

Iza, pale arms hugged around her middle, shook her head. "Their skin is described as being 'like granite'. You can't cut through it."

"That rules out injections, then, too. What about chloroform?"

"They don't need to breathe."

"Damn. Would she starve if we trapped her in a time distortion for a few centuries?"

"…No," said Iza shakily. "I think that'd just drive her mad with thirst. Only werewolves or other vampires are known to kill them."

Nearby, Peter and Summer were getting close and about to end up in bed, which was the end of the last chapter. Although the story wasn't marked as complete, Sedri didn't want to risk losing her target. "We're out of time, Izzy. Give me the disguise generator; we'll just have to do this one by hand – or tooth, as it were. I'm sure Doc Fitz can purge any glitter from our systems after we-"

"No!" shrieked Iza. "I'm not going to bite her!"

"Then you can have Peter."

"No! No, I… I have an idea, Sedri, please give me the portal thingie please! I have another way and it'll work, I promise!"

Pressured by the fade-out which began as Peter pushed Summer down to the bed, Sedri nodded. "Take it – I'll start the charges. Hurry!"

Iza jabbed the controls and vanished. After running a final check with her CAD, Sedri walked up to the bed and – with some nervousness – smacked both vampires with her notebook

"Hate to interrupt, but if you don't want your Happily Ever After ruined you really should listen to me. And don't bite!" she added hastily. "I'm not prey. You kill me and you'll be sorry. I want to help."

That last bit, of course, was directed solely at Peter, but they didn't notice. Sedri didn't give them time. "Peter Pevensie," she announced, "you are charged with terrible narration, to whit, misuse of common words such as "say" and "made" and speaking in numerals. You are also charged with failing to notice a train going right past you, not returning to Narnia with your siblings – yeah, I'll bet you're sorry about that," she added as Peter's eyes widened – "being able to see your own eyes away from a mirror, calmly accepting the fact that you've been turned into a bloodthirsty killer, skipping the great deal of pain that transformation entails, hiding from your loving family when they are clearly looking for you, caring nothing for your mother's grief, causing schoolyard bullies – in nineteen-forties England, no less – to have and freely use a gun, causing random police officers to appear in a school dormitory, and not finishing your own narrative sentences. You are not charged with being a Gary Stu, because the CAD still says you're not a replacement."

A faint blue glow on the bedroom walls indicated that Iza had retuned – from where, she didn't know – but as her targets were becoming less patient, fighting the passivity canon was trying to enforce, she hurried on.

"Summer, you are charged with having a pathetically incomplete history, to whit, making no mention of your home continuum except in the bloody summary, and thus confusing my poor technology as to whether or not you're a replacement or not. You are. Therefore I can charge you personally with everything else. So, you are charged with being attacked by a vampire when none exist in your native continuum, seeing the magic of Narnia take the other Pevensies when you shouldn't, not returning said Pevensies to the station when even the movieverse made it clear that they weren't gone for more than a few seconds, attacking Peter for no reason except that you were lonely, time travelling without even bothering to explain it, creating the mini-Dragons 'Edmond' and 'C.S. Louis' – points for getting a name, at least, even if it's the wrong variant – putting a wardrobe in a train station, putting both a forest full of game and a cottage in a busy London suburb, misspelling said suburb and creating a mess that I really hope I won't have to call in the pyros from DoGA for, dreadful spelling, hideous grammar, repeated you're/your mistakes, obvious laziness – you could have at least tried the spell-checker, brat – wanton cruelty to the common comma, and being a Mary Sue. For all these crimes, you are sentenced to death."

As soon as her last words were out, a black blur shot past Sedri, almost knocking her off-balance with whiplash, and suddenly there was a strange man tackling Summer. He obviously knew what he was doing, for in a few seconds he had torn the startled Sue's head off and flung it into a corner. Peter, aghast and out of character, didn't think to reach for a weapon and instead threw himself after it, picking up the bloodless head and cradling it, typically melodramatic.

Meanwhile, the stranger – who had to be another vampire, considering the raw strength, not to mention the pale skin and red eyes - was wordlessly ripping up the bed frame and setting fire to it. Sedri backed off. "Iza," she asked warily. "Who is this?"

"His name is Aro," replied Iza, a little calmer. "He's from a clan of Twilight vampires who make all the others obey laws to stay hidden. I was going to explain how the Sue is a threat but he just read my mind and decided to kill her."

"He's a canon character? Iza, you're not allowed to do that! They can't know about the PPC."

The other girl shrugged, shifting away as the fire started to crackle and Aro ripped the rest of Summer's body apart. "It was the only way I could think of. You said we were out of time."

"Yes, but… gah." Sedri threw up her hands. "Fine. But why does he look like Ben Barnes?"

Aro, in the midst of prying the head from Peter, paused and looked oddly at them. Iza replied, "There are rumours that Ben will play him in the next movie. Maybe the canon's trying to make you feel better?" she suggested.

Sedri smacked her.

Aro, having completed his task, grabbed the mourning Peter's wrists and dragged him to the agents. "You said this one must live?"

Iza nodded. "Yes. We just need to… Er, Sedri? How do we unvampirise him?"

"…Doc Fitz. I hope. Can you take him through another portal for us?" she asked Aro.

The vampire nodded, and Sedri had a creepy feeling that he was soon going to demand something in return. She reached into her pocket and took a firm hold of her neuralyser.

Iza handled the portal controls again, and moments later they had stepped out of Summer's burning cottage and into the sterile white rooms of Medical. Doctor Fitzgerald, as usual, didn't even blink at the absurdity of his latest challenge.

"We have replacement blood in storage," he said in a dismissive tone. "Getting the venom out of his cells will be more interesting. Still, I think I have just the thing…" He paused and looked at the agents. "Come back in two hours. You," he said to Aro, "go home. The restraining field can handle this boy."

Aro looked suspicious, but backed off, and watched with an almost hungry curiosity as Doc Fitz activated a Star Trek force-field built into the bed. No matter how much he thrashed, Peter could not break out of the energy barrier.

"Um, sir? Mister Aro?" said Iza. "This portal will send you home."

"Not yet," he decided. "I have done you a service, and you owe me. In return I want this restraining field technolo-"

Flash.

"Sorry," said Sedri to the dazed, three-thousand-year-old vampire, "but I don't think Upstairs believes in fairness. I know I don't." She pushed him through the portal, and as soon as Aro had safely landed somewhere in the Italy of the Twilightverse, turned it off.



Hours later, once the Doc had extracted all the vampire venom, stored it, sedated the now anguished young man, and replaced his entire blood supply, Sedri and Iza were allowed to walk in, take Peter by the arms, and push him through a portal back to Lewis' England.

"Really, I don't see the point," Iza chirped as they walked back to their RC, trying to distract themselves. "Can't Doctor Fitzgerald use portals himself?"

"It's our mission," explained Sedri, pushing open the door. "We have to make sure all the canons end up where they belong, and- Oh, not now," she moaned, spying a flashing light on the console. "I need to eat. I will eat first. Anything you want, Iza?"

"Rosa might like bacon."

The mini-Balrog perked up from her spot on the fairly red metal table, and Sedri frowned, but dug through her tiny kitchen anyway. "I haven't got much; you'll have to go to the General Store and stock up a bit, unless I can program the replicator properly, or… What is it?"

Iza had made her way to the console to read what she thought was a mission briefing. Instead she found herself with a message from the S.O.

"I'm being transferred," she said softly. "I didn't kill anyone. They're sending me back to Bad Slash." She sounded mournful. Sedri's brow furrowed.

"Isn't that a good thing? Since you haven't been enjoying this, I mean."

Iza shrugged sadly. "I guess so. But… what if my next partner doesn't like me?" she wailed.

Sedri opened her mouth, closed it, and put a hand on Iza's shoulder, trying to be comforting. She was somewhat out of practice. "It'll… be fine. I promise. You're… very likeable. And slashers will understand you better than I do."

The small girl blinked. "They will?"

"Er… sure. Why not?"

Suddenly Iza's giddy energy returned full force. "You think so? You really really really really really think so?"

Sedri jumped back, startled. "…Yes, I do. Now, er… let's start packing your things and – ROSA! Let GO of that book!"


Date: 2009-01-07 06:27 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] lady-rilwen.livejournal.com
Aww, poor Iza. That was quick thinking on her part, getting Aro to handle it. Let's hope she manages ok with the transfer.

Date: 2009-01-07 05:17 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] dracorn-adagio.livejournal.com
I guess Iza really isn't cut out for assassination. Hopefully her next partner is a good one.

I dun get it. The fic, I mean. Peter, a Twilightverse vampire? Bwuh?

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September 2010

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